I had the sweetest moment with Landon yesterday and it went right along with our pastor's sermon last Sunday.
I came into the living room to find Landon sitting alone and on the verge tears. When I asked him what was wrong, he broke down. He couldn't talk. He could only cry. When I asked him why he was crying, he said he didn't want to talk about it. I told him that was ok and asked if I could just sit by him. He nodded. I sat down. He leaned over and hugged me. I held him for a while as he cried. I told him he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, but if he wanted to tell me, it might help me understand how he was feeling. He sat crying a little longer, then in the smallest, most broken voice, he confessed to me that he had broken one of our rules.
It was a small rule that really isn't that significant in the grand scheme of things…more like a rule just to keep our routine in place. In my mind, it certainly was not worth the obvious brokenness he was having. However, in that moment, instead of trying to make him feel better and telling him it wasn't a big deal and it would be ok, I saw the opportunity for a teachable moment. In a moment that could only be explained as an intervention of the Holy Spirit, the Lord showed me that this was a perfect opportunity to teach him about conviction and the forgiveness and healing that can come from it if we acknowledge the conviction, confess and repent.
I explained to him that the brokenness that he was feeling was the Holy Spirit telling him that he had sinned and that his sin was breaking his heart the way it breaks God's heart. God takes all of our sin seriously…even the small, seemingly insignificant things! I explained that now that he had confessed his sin to me, he needed to ask for my forgiveness and then confess to God and ask his forgiveness. He quietly asked me if I would forgive him. Of course, I did. Then, we prayed together. Once he had done that, I told him that God and I had both forgiven him and that we both still loved him. I explained to him that when we confess our sins and ask for forgiveness, God covers them with the blood of Jesus and remembers them no more. I told him that conviction hurts, but it is a beautiful thing because it turns us back to God. Our sin separates us from God, but our conviction draws us back to Him. It helps us to understand how God feels about our sin and helps to appreciate what Jesus did when he took on our sins on the cross. I also explained the difference between conviction and guilt. Conviction is from God and tells us we need Jesus' forgiveness and leads us to draw closer to Him. Guilt is from Satan and tells us we're too bad to be forgiven and causes us to withdraw from Him. I hugged him and told him I loved him and how proud I was that he listened to the Holy Spirit. He was still looking quite dejected and defeated, so I looked straight in his face and told him that his sin was GONE and remembered no more. I explained that if he was still feeling bad, that was Satan trying to load on the guilt.
My heart broke seeing my precious baby boy in such a broken state, but my heart also rejoiced at seeing the Holy Spirit working in his heart and having the opportunity to teach him a little more about God's grace. I also took this opportunity to look into my own heart - was there sin there that I was allowing to fester? when was the last time my heart was broken over even the "small" sins? have I been holding onto guilt heaped on me by the father of lies?
Lord, you are so gracious and forgiving, but may we never forget that Your precious forgiveness came at a great price - the perfect life of your Son! May our hearts always break over our sins as Yours does, and may we be quick to confess, repent, and bask in the glory of your grace and forgiveness instead of holding on to guilt from Satan. And, Lord, lead me as I lead these precious ones You've placed in my care. I need you every hour!
